Once again this question of home occupies my mind. What is home?
Recently I have been feeling homesick without knowing the place that I feel homesick for. Someone told me that this is somehow the perfect definition of homesickness; to not know where one belongs.
For quite some time I have been feeling “In between”, for the past 3 ½ years I have not had a place as my base for more than 10 months at a time. Knowing that this wont change before June 2014, I have had to revise my definition of home.
For me right now home is embodied in people, cause it is not the four walls around me that make me feel at ease, but the people who are present my life. Of cause there is my “Heimat”, the place where I grew up and where my parents still live, that will always be home, but at present moment home is in particular one person who makes me feel homesick. The one I wish to be beside and build a home with in the future.
Thus my feeling of home has become future plans, which are built on presumptions and expectations of what is going to happen rather than a present state of being. In this way I bet high, as I am unaware of the cards being dealt, and it might mean that I once again will have to look at the notion of home and ask myself what it is and what it means to me.