Philosophy is really a homesickness; it is an urge to be at home everywhere.

George Lukacs

Home (Part5)!

Once again this question of home occupies my mind. What is home?

Recently I have been feeling homesick without knowing the place that I feel homesick for. Someone told me that this is somehow the perfect definition of homesickness; to not know where one belongs.

For quite some time I have been feeling “In between”, for the past 3 ½ years I have not had a place as my base for more than 10 months at a time. Knowing that this wont change before June 2014, I have had to revise my definition of home.

For me right now home is embodied in people, cause it is not the four walls around me that make me feel at ease, but the people who are present my life. Of cause there is my “Heimat”, the place where I grew up and where my parents still live, that will always be home, but at present moment home is in particular one person who makes me feel homesick. The one I wish to be beside and build a home with in the future.

Thus my feeling of home has become future plans, which are built on presumptions and expectations of what is going to happen rather than a present state of being.  In this way I bet high, as I am unaware of the cards being dealt, and it might mean that I once again will have to look at the notion of home and ask myself what it is and what it means to me.

Everything Related to Hurt

A performance based on and about language.

During my conversation with a French girl in which we were taking about our work, I asked if she ever took photographs. She told me, that the previous summer she had documented everything related to hurt. Something I found really interesting in relation to her work on love. It was only a few minutes later I realized, that she had in fact said everything related to heart and had pronounced heart in a French way, leaving the ea sounding like a u.

I could not get the sentence out of my head. Everything related to hurt. It somehow sound intriguing and to me much more interesting and profound than everything related to heart. Therefore I decided to take it on as a working title for a future project, that I at that point didn’t know what was going to be.

What is hurt and what does it involve?

I find that most times we hurt ourselves through our perception of the actions of other people, more than their actual intend to hurt us.

What I mean by this is that hurt is often induced from within, a negative value added to an action of another person.

If your lover fails to say he loves you, it hurts because you want him to; if you cannot get over a past lover it isn’t because of him but your own inability to let him go, hence you keep hurting yourself by constantly reaffirming a love not reciprocated; if there is caused trouble in paradise it is often because of misreading and wrong interpretations.

We create the hurt through our private language; we speak towards others though they cannot hear us, thus hurt is dependent on someone else and yet much more on our own expectations to this individual

In this performance I am exploring my private language, toward various men in my life; by trying to speak my inner language out loud, my perception of things that are not necessarily true.

I will be performing this, Saturday the 4^th in the “Direct Action” festival, a part of “The Month Of Performance Art Berlin”. In case you are in the area you should come check it out.

It Only Blooms - Full Version!

Here is a chance for everyone to take a look inside my most recent work. Physically there only exists 5 copies, but I would like to share it with everyone who wants to see it. I realize that some can be tricky to read as it is upside down, but the idea is that you should be able to read it from both ways as it tell two different stories.

It Only Blooms!

For the past three month I have been working intensely on this project. The idea of doing something around this Søren Kierkegaard quote started last summer, but up until now it has been resting in the pile of unrealized ideas. 
The book shows a blooming process through photographs, seasonal and of the singular flower. Along side is a love story, which is related to the emotional seasons of love. The book can be read from both sides, one side telling the story of him the other of her. The photographs has been taken a bit everywhere but most of them doing the past month. The realization of the book (printing, binding etc.) took me a couple of weeks work in the workshop.
This book project is my first, but it is safe to say it wont be my last.